I miss my best friend. For us to talk now is wrong I know we are both in separate families. We have built lives apart from one another and it would not be fair to talk but it does not make it any easier. You knew what I was thinking before I did, you knew just by the word Hi that there was something wrong. You knew how to show me that funny side of things. Make me laugh and have a good time. With one conversation or one touch you knew how to make me feel better and like the most important person in the world. You were my best friend. No matter how stupid I felt or what I did I could tell you because it wouldn't have changed your opinion of me. Now I find myself going through life with a piece of me missing. I don't have that bond with anyone else because it just was one of a kind. So I am missing you now. Especially after a day like today. When the past comes back to haunt you and you just feel like you can't take it anymore. You would have known exactly what to say so that I would not feel this cloud of shame and failure. The only good thing I can say is that although I didn't have you, I do have my handsome boys when I get home. They pulled me up! So I guess in a way God new that with your absence my boys would be my support, my new best friends! So here's to remembering those you love but are no longer in your life, but appreciating who is in your life right now!

Trying to Stay Positive :)

There is always something that will come up, interrupt our normal every day schedule. I am going to try to get up from this rough morning and brush it off. Time to teach my kids that no matter what happens you can always spin it in a positive way. The day doesn't start off to a good start? Then make it turn into a good ending! So that is what I am going to do now and clean up so we have a nice positive enviroment to play in! I will no longer let words of others get me down, or at least try not to. It is only about me and my boys! That's how I have to look at it in order to get through the day. They are healthy and precious and that's all I need to know.

Frustration!!

Have you ever felt like you were in a dream? Vocal cords strained and throbbing from yelling to try to get someone's attention? Always surrounded by people and reality but feel like you are on the outside looking in saying, "hey i'm here, include me"? It is amazing how one person can make you happy yet make you feel so insignificant.

You say you did the so much today,

You say you are tired,

You say all you do is work and take care of the kids,

You, You, You!

Don't YOU know I do all of that and more? Don't YOU know that somewhere along the line I lost ME. I get they you are a pessimist and that you can't help but have a negative outlook, but enough is enough. When you are tired, or overwhelmed you decide the only person who is in your corner turns into your escape. Your words are like sharp rocks that tear apart at my layers piece by piece. And when I start throwing the rocks back you laugh or taunt me. Or you decide you don't deserve that. Well if I don't see a difference one of two things will happen you will chip every piece of my away with the rocks or I will throw all the rocks back at you at the same time. Either way it is not going to end pretty. You do mean a lot to me but that does not mean that I will be around forever.

My whole being has shifted and I get that happens when you go through the stages of life, but people that know me and love me wouldn't recognize the true me anymore. I am going to start doing the things make me happy. I need feel like a happy person inside and out and not just pretend to be happy so that no one suspects how I really feel! I am done with the pretending and am going to start to be HAPPY! You can come along for the ride or you can be stuck in your rut. Either way I'm moving on!

Getting Back on Track

It is Sunday, does that make it the end or the beginning? I had a long week but productive one. I am grateful for some much needed motivation so i think I will look at it as the beginning. I had an amazing training seminar saturday and was so excited to start doing something that I love to do. I'm going to put my all into my business. It really is amazing finally finding something that I can do that fits with my schedule and still allows me to enjoy the early years of my boys. I am a mother first always and forever but that does not mean that I cannot enjoy what I am doing. I want to show my boys that you can do anything you want and that you will go much farther in life if you do what makes you happy! I will succeed and along the way I'm sure there will be bumps but if I continue to believe in me I know I will move on and learn from them! So here's to starting an amazing journey!